Introduction

“Male subordinates get called with the suffix -kun, female subordinates with -san.”

If you are part of Japan’s middle-aged “salaryman” generation, you have probably heard this convention all your working life. It has always felt wrong to me.

Why are “junior men” singled out for -kun? The sound carries a nuance of “immature” or “lower in rank,” and it distorts relationships whether the person wants it or not. That distortion inevitably affects evaluation and trust.

Here I unpack the problems that the “-kun culture” creates, based on both my own experience and on modern perspectives. It is time to change.

The Historical Background of This Culture

Why did “men = -kun, women = -san” emerge in the first place?

In postwar Japan, schools and club activities popularized a rule of thumb: boys were addressed with -kun, girls with -san. That reflected then-prevailing gender roles and simply migrated into the workplace.

The idea that boys are naturally called -kun while girls get -san lingered into adulthood. Yet society has changed. Gender equality has advanced, and roles and abilities are no longer determined by sex. Only the forms of address remain stuck in the past.

Note for readers unfamiliar with Japanese honorifics: -san is a neutral, respectful suffix comparable to “Mr./Ms.” in English, while -kun is traditionally used for boys, male subordinates, or close colleagues. Because it implies junior status, using -kun for men but not for women subtly encodes hierarchy.

The Invisible Power of How We Address People

A form of address is not just a label. Words carry power.

Calling male subordinates -kun implicitly defines -san as the respectful norm and -kun as the label for those kept “under your wing.” Calling women -san while calling men -kun may look like a tiny difference, but it warps the atmosphere of the workplace.

  • Preserving power structures: a hierarchy is built into the language, locking the leader–subordinate relationship in place.
  • Breeding harassment: the suffix signals “you’re one of the boys” or “you’re still a kid,” which managers use—consciously or not—to justify talking down to people.
  • Dragging in dated assumptions: “So-and-so-kun is family; so-and-so-san (who might quit for marriage) is an outsider.” This toxic nuance still lingers in the subtext.

Because we speak this way every day, the effect seeps deep and silently shapes company culture. And notice: those same supervisors almost certainly call senior men -san. They are fully capable of switching when they want to.

We now live in an era when your junior could become your boss at any time. In fact, many managers already supervise people older than they are.

What do you gain by clinging to “-kun for juniors, -san for seniors”? Will you really switch to -san the moment the person you called -kun becomes your manager?

I have seen people attempt exactly that. Watching a middle-aged man suddenly upgrade the honorific the moment someone outranked him—groveling before a title that only matters inside that company—was as embarrassing as a teenager scrambling to obey a new school rule.

If you respect everyone from the start, even if a former subordinate becomes your boss, you will not feel shame or humiliation.

What Happened When I Switched to Using “-san” for Everyone

About ten years ago, I consciously started calling my male juniors and subordinates -san.

It felt awkward at first, but the benefits quickly became clear.

  • I instinctively treated them with steady respect.
  • Conversations with juniors became more even, making dialogue smoother.
  • The urge to posture or put people down faded, and trust was easier to build.
  • Above all, I no longer had to invent excuses for why I used different honorifics based on gender.

I was surprised to notice that my own mindset changed. Altering the honorific changed the way I saw the person. This is more than etiquette; it is a small practice that reshapes organizational culture.

Updating Forms of Address in Today’s Society

In an age that values diversity and inclusion, “men get -kun, women get -san” is plainly outdated.

Look overseas: English-speaking cultures still use Mr./Ms., which mark gender or marital status. Even there, modern business settings increasingly default to first names, and in the United Kingdom a gender-neutral honorific—Mx. (pronounced “mix” or “mux”)—has spread since 2015. The trend is toward flat, uniform respect.

That shift prevents men from being treated as “one of the guys” in ways that excuse bad behavior, and it prevents women from being placed outside the in-group as exceptions. It improves harassment prevention, makes workplaces easier to thrive in, and raises engagement for younger employees.

A Proposal: Call Everyone “-san”

The conclusion is simple.

  • Call male and female subordinates the same way: with -san.
  • Do not treat this as a formalistic rule—treat it as a stance of showing equal respect to everyone.

A form of address may look trivial, but it shapes the air and relationships in your organization. Aristotle said that repeated actions become habits, and habits form character. Replacing -kun with -san is one step toward a healthier workplace and toward forming a character that respects everyone.

Conclusion

Forms of address are invisible forces that structure relationships.

Calling male subordinates -kun distorts evaluation and relationships and is incompatible with gender equality.

Do not ignore that uneasy feeling. Start by changing how you address people. That small step plants respect and trust—and nurtures a forward-looking culture.

If you are part of the older generation, it may feel awkward at first. But once you make the switch, the men who cling to -kun will look like people trapped in their own imagined superiority. That newfound humility never hurts you.

It is time to retire the “only junior men get -kun” culture. The new default is to call everyone -san.